Talking During the Movie

by Sam Adams

People who talk during movies are worthy of nothing but our hate and scorn: cell phone weasels, old folks who narrate the plot to each other, guys who leave that hetero-panic seat between them and then yell across it the whole time -- all of them. That is, unless the movie really, really deserves it. In Screening Party (Alyson), Dennis Hensley corrals a living room-ful of composite popcorn munchers and sets them loose on such big, fat targets as Flashdance, The Bodyguard, A Star Is Born (the Barbra version, of course) and Cruising, closing it out with a particularly lengthy chapter devoted to Glitter (a genuine outdoor excursion, although no complaints are registered from patrons who are, no doubt, grateful to be distracted from the actual film). Here's the catty Tony -- like all of Hensley's characters, a fictional amalgam of real-life screeners -- during St. Elmo's Fire: "Check out [Demi's] metallic lip gloss. It looks like she just went down on C3PO in the bathroom." Considering how little energy it takes to sit on the couch and get snarky on your not-so-favorites, it seems like the height of sloth to have other people do it for you (and Hensley's crew doesn't administer barbs with the professionalism of Crow and Tom Servo). But if diminishing daylight is sapping your will to zing, Hensley will offer a live version of the book's antics for your fast-forwarding delight.

Dennis Hensley reads Mon., Oct. 14, 5:30 p.m., Giovanni’s Room, 345 S. 12th St., 215-923-2969.