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July 12-18, 2002 music Summer Monster
The package tour -- something wicked this way comes.
“Ozzfest,” featuring Ozzy Osbourne, System of a Down, P.O.D., Drowning Pool, Adema, Black Label Society, Rob Zombie, Meshuggah, Pulse Ultra, Neurotica, Earshot, The Apex Theory, Lost Prophets, Flaw, 3rd Strike, Seether and OTEP Kingdom: Bewitched Phylum: Bothered Class: Bewildered Plumage: White, dovelike feathers occasionally ejected from mouth area. Migratory habits: Every summer this creature stomps across the country followed by angry young assholes in denial of their latent white pride. Defining behavior: Mumbling, staggering, the pee-pee dance. Defining marks: Greening tattoos, running eye makeup. Adaptive ability: Not necessary, apparently. Mating call: "I love you all, but you're all fuckin' mad." Special powers: This creature somehow manages to mess up lyrics that it has been singing for 30 years and that are being scrolled on a TelePrompTer right in front of it. Weaknesses: Beer, big staircases, people who talk too fast. As one scientist puts it: "Is he live or dead? Has he thoughts within his head?" Field notes: It is unclear at this point whether the Ozz-monster's battle cry of "I can't fuckin' hear you!" is an attempt to elicit a response from onlookers or a statement on its diminishing auditory capacity. Expected arrival point: Fri., July 12, 9:30 a.m. to heat death, Tweeter Center, Mickle Blvd. and Riverside Dr., Camden, 215-336-2000, www.electricfactory.com, sold out.
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