Now that the college students are gone, relax. No more spilled beers and ducking unrhythmic boys who get sloppy drunk. No more low-riding jeans on table-dancing girls who should never ride low, let alone dance. (To those still-Philly-dwelling college types who find that sentiment officiously cranky, fuck you. Graduate. You’ll understand.)… Anyway, one hint in the monthlong mystery of Mustapha Rouissiya’s third Figs restaurant (beyond Fairmount and Cherry Hill): on the Main Line but not Suburban Square. Very soon.… Is it official? Burning Brides signed to V2, home of White Stripes and Moby, the latter of whom is snagging back Scott Frassetto, his Brando-drumming relocated local, for a yearlong tour. (Well, he did sign Brando’s website’s guestbook).… Whozatgal? Mariah Carey’s been in/out of The Studio on North Seventh, recording with Vidal/Andre/Larry/Vik/Poyser/?uestlove more times than she’s been in rehab.… Last Saturday’s jam-packed Illadelph Experiment found Alma Horton singingto the head-bobbing likes of Jill Scott and India.Arie front and center.… Proto booker/DJ Jugo -- who’s happy to celebrate Summerjoy’s b-day May 24 and is gearing for June 8’s Booze Cruise with Cozmic Cat -- is bummed: Proto was sold by Avram Hornik to people who “want mainstream trance that packs the crowd in, whatever that means,” said Jugo. “Who knows? Sounds like a big flop to me.” Don’t despair. Hornik and Jugo have secret projects in the works. Plus, Hornik is geared up for a first non-Old City venue. (Is he still doing the rumored 17th Street Bar Noir-like lounge after the rustic Drinker’s Lounge on Second and Market gets opened?)… Holy Dario Argento! Upper Darby’s Relapse label princes Total Fucking Disaster summon grindcore gods of Italian horror-metal Cripple Bastards to TFD’s co-show with Disassociate and Otophobia May 25 at Funrama (41st and Baltimore). Ask nice and you can buy TFD’s Japan-only demo CD that’s burning my hand right now.… The Maneo promo kids scored big with Global Underground --bringing in not one but two of that premier label’s toniest post-house DJs -- Sandra Collins, Dave Seaman -- for new-CD celebrations May 24 at Transit. Same place where Sean Agnew and Dave Pianka do May 25’s mega-hip-hop show with El-P, Cannibal Ox, Aesop Rock and Mr.Lif, hooking up local avant-hops Louis Logic and Chief Kamachi as openers.… Can’t wait till July to hear a new Marah CD? Standard Tap’s got it jukeboxed.… Warmth, a steamy new deep-house label, may be outta New Yawk. But W’s a jungle-adjunct of Sound Gizmo that, like the punkish Watermark label, is run by three former Phillians: ex-Pure Children Nick Cain, Joel Jordan and Jason Jordan (of Hollywood Records). First bright idea: putting out Sean O’Neal 12-inch with Rob Paine remix and U.K./NYC electronocist Lovesky’s mega-selling morass.… Kaleidoscope Entertainment and UrbanPhilly.com moved the rare grooves of Blaque Roux/Baby DST Saturdays to funky-but-chic Saffron House.… Things get competitive as Tommy Up moves his Sundays to Glam (“Goodbye 32°, we’ll miss ya!” said Up via e-mail). His two-floor Ocean Drive parties have DJ Mobe, DJ Reno, mimosas and slushies and “Dejuan sippin’ Cristal with a straw.” Glam’s also acquired the sarong-spinning skills of DJ Renwill.… Is this good? When not sending Philly dawgs Jae Staxx and Ruggedness to L.A. (tracking hot-hopper Poker Face for Artist Direct) he’s repping the Rembrandts (the Friends theme-song guys).… Philadelphonic’s Chris DiBeneditto’s been producing a mess of bands at Indre: Cali’s Slightly Stoopid for Republic/Universal and Philly’s Honey. Indre also hosts Stereofield, produced/engineered by Mike Brenner and Edan Cohen.… It may not be original to use the tag “Get Lei’d” -- as Tribecca is doing for the upcoming May 25 Luau -- but it is open till 6, and the club has more hut bars and grass-skirted hula dancers than good sense, so there’ll surely be wiki-wiki fucking in abundance. Christian James and Lorne’ll spin when not distracted.… Less wet/more sober: Congratulations to Philly’s Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences chapter for electing John Anthony, Skip Drinkwater and Billy Jackson governors. They’re nicer than Casey’s kid and less scary than Michael Tozzi.… David E. Williams’ composed a creeping score to Norman Macera’s The Strike Zone (he has tiny quantities on CD-R: P.O.B. 2422, Philly 19147), recorded the musky masterwork Hope Springs a Turtle and plays on power-electronickers Deathpile’s new CD.… May 29 sees Lost Film Fester Scott Beiben previewing his June film freakout with help from Psydde Delicious, his D-Corsets duo and Fetishes Boutique during Silk City’s “Panty Raid.”… Vincent James’ first annual Bryn Mawr Music Fest, May 24-26 at The Point, features folk folk Dan Bern, Amber deLaurentis, Laura Shay, Gina Scipione, Betsy Spivak, McGowan and a buncha people I don’t know.… Scott KB’s Fridays at Ulana’s restart roaringly on May 24 with Hilliard, who soundtracked the indie Just Add Pepper by filmmaker Peter Paul Basler. He also shot the band’s vid for “Feels So Good in the Sun.”… Shampoo’s Pet Shop Boys bash on May 25 could get a VIP post-E-Factory pop-in from the Pets themselves.… Find ya’own funk with these b-day celebrations: Happy fifth to DJ Cosmo’s Remedy at Fluid (who celebrates such May 27 with Peter Butter Wolf); to Bob and Barbara’s Dumpsta Players, who celebrated five years there with last week’s “PromTrash 666”; to eight years of “Don’t Fake the Funk,” which celebrates such with 2,000 peeps May 26 at 1616 Locust -- which, by the way, will open the city’s longest outdoor cafe (inside too), Halo, this week -- starring Britt, Doz, Summerjoy, Medina, Cozmic Cat, Cos, Zach, Paine and Major; and to Andrew Chalfen, just for being his own funk.