September 30–October 7, 1999

20 questions

interview by Patrick Rapa

Respect is kind of important for comedians. It’s tough to tell jokes when you’re the joke (especially if being the joke isn’t your joke). Carrot Top’s lack of respect is so renowned he’s being called the Rodney Dangerfield of Generation X. But while "I get no respect" was Dangerfield’s line, it’s Carrot Top’s life. He’s been ripped into as the "how did this guy get a career" guy on Letterman, Larry Sanders and The Daily Show, among others. His shtick is prop comedy and despite the lack of affection he receives from the rest of show business, he’s always been popular with the college crowd. This week he hauls his 35 trunks full of junk to the Keswick Theatre.

When you were on The Daily Show last year, Craig Kilborn was pretty mean. Are you happy his new show sucks?

It’s weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends. But that guy – and I mean this – is the most rotten guy. Even if he reads this it wouldn’t bother me, ’cause he’s just rotten, he’s just mean and rotten.… You never want to wish anything bad upon anybody, but in that circumstance I do feel a little happy actually. And a little guilty for feeling happy.

Do you mind all the abuse you’ve taken?

I know that I go by "Carrot Top" and I have big hair and I do props and I’m kind of silly. Of course, for these guys who write jokes for these shows, I’m an easy target. I keep that in the back of my head.

Is it the props?

I don’t think it’s the props, because I sure haven’t invented prop comedy. I think it’s the fact that I do something different and that I actually have some success with it. That bothers a lot of people… especially comics. Comics don’t like to see other comics do well. It’s our nature: Human beings like success but they hate successful people. But some of [the jabs] are kind of funny like on King Of The Hill when the kid wanted to be Celery Head. I found it kind of flattering. But Craig Kilborn was just rotten.

Is Gallagher a kindred spirit?

A lot of his props are more pun-related, but I always thought Gallagher, in his own way, had something. I don’t know what happened to Gallagher. I’ve heard that he makes shots at me too. He did an interview in a paper or whatever and he just slammed me like "you’re the guy that took my act" or something. I never looked at Gallagher like he was a threat to me.

Any new props on this current tour?

I have a piece of luggage for hippies or stoners – it shoots dog biscuits out of it so the drug dogs stay away from them. I like that one. It’s funny-looking, but it’s also funny because everyone can relate to that one. That’s my favorite kind of prop – one that can relate to everybody. It’s better than smashing a watermelon.

People give you shit about your hair, but you also have abnormally large teeth, too.

I never realized it. I don’t have like the Osmond smile, no. I’ve heard I have nice teeth. I also have other areas of me that are overly sized, by the way. I don’t want to bring that up. People do give me a hard time about my hair because it’s orange and it’s big. But if I walked around without pants, maybe they wouldn’t make so much fun of my hair.

Does the carpet match the drapes?

Let me check and see real quick. My God, my drapes have been taken.… It kinda should right? If it didn’t it’d be really weird. If I pull my pants down and I had, like, black hair. I hope so.

You’re not gonna say one way or the other?

I’m just gonna say I hope so. I haven’t been down there in a long time. I don’t look. I’m gonna get renovated soon.

BONUS! The following power trips into Carrot Top’s psyche are exclusive to the Web version of City Paper. Enjoy this!

What were you like growing up?

Younger in life I was always kind of quiet and shy and I think I kind of grew into myself as I got older, I became more of a class clown as I got to junior high.… My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh. I wasn’t the jock (I know it’s hard to tell) or the good-lookin’ stud. I was just a very skinny red-headed freckled guy. My way of making people like me was to make ’em laugh.

Ever get into trouble? Ever go to jail?

Oh God, no. But I still have time for that, don’t I? One day I’d like to see what it’s like. Although I wouldn’t do very well, you know what I mean? I’m not attractive to you, but to some guy in prison I’m probably like Cindy Crawford.

None of the comics you say influenced you (George Carlin, Jonathan Winters) was a prop comic, per se? Why?

I think the props just came about as my own little way of expressing myself on stage because I wasn’t really comfortable telling jokes. Now in my live show I do a lot more stand-up and a lot more jokes.

I didn’t see Chairman of the Board…

No one else did either, Pat.

It was fun, it was something I never got to do before, a film. Besides the porn stuff I did back in the ’70s. I couldn’t refuse. I learned a lot about how films are made and the problems we had getting it released, but it never got released the way it should. If it did we probably would’ve gotten more out of it than we did.

Are there more movies in the works? I heard Chairman was part of a three-picture deal.

We’re waiting on a director to do a film right now. It’s called Rock Bottom but that’s pretty much all I can say right now.

How many props do you travel with?

I probably have 100 or more.

How do you transport them all?

We have a semi. And little elves.

How many people in the Carrot Top crew?

Seven.

How do you come up with your ideas?

I’ll find something that looks funny and I’ll say God, there’s gotta be something I can do with a football helmet.

Or then I think of an idea and I have to go find the prop. Yeah, there is stuff lying around the house where I go "what can I do with a mini toilet?" In fact I made something for that, it’s a plate for bulimics so they can eat and throw up at the same time. Or I found a real small grocery cart so I made it for Ally McBeal to use.

On your Web site (www.carrottop.com), one can purchase a set of five 8 by 10 glossy autographed photos for $50. Do you think that’s a high price?

If you want all five. Most people just want a picture. I think they’re like five bucks or something like that.

It’s $10.

It’s $10 for one. Actually I didn’t know that. You go to Garth Brooks’ Web page, it’s $25 for anything. $10 for a picture. Hmm.… I never really get too involved with that kind of stuff.… It’s too much though. $10 for a shot of myself – you gotta be kidding me. That’s what I say.

Carrot Top will perform Fri., Oct. 1, 8 p.m., at The Keswick Theatre, Easton Road and Keswick Ave., Glenside, 215-572-7650.