Top Ten Reasons Why The Inquirer is Not Like The Titanic.

10. The Titanic had a band.

9. The Titanic wasn’t top-heavy.

8. The Titanic’s officers had a sense of honor.

7. The Titanic was a tighter ship.

6. The Titanic crew knew what was happening after the ship hit the iceberg.

5. The Titanic’s officers didn’t deliberately breach their own hull.

4. The Titanic’s officers didn’t crowd the lifeboats first.

3. The Titanic took in water at the bottom of the ship, not from the ceiling.

2. The Titanic’s crew was headed somewhere at the time.

1. The Titanic’s skipper wasn't in San Jose.

—an e-mail reportedly making the rounds among Inky staffers

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