May 24–31, 2001

loose canon

On the Edge

by Bruce Schimmel

All I wanted were sharp knives. Just kitchen knives. But I didn’t suspect that getting hooked on a fine edge could drive one over.... well, you get the point.

It all started for me when a friend, an industrial designer, came over for dinner. Watching me hack at a steak, he said he could make my knives as sharp as razors.

That’s nice, I said, tearing another ragged chunk.

My first mistake. I should have said that I like what I had, and don’t get me started.

Next time I saw him, my friend had a book, The Razor Edge of Sharpening, and something called a Tri-Angle Sharpmaker, a candelabra-like stand that holds thin sticks of sharpening stones nearly vertically.

Presented with the book and the candelabra of this dark art, a bell should have gone off in my head.

But I was seduced by the show. In ten minutes, a twisted paring knife — used by a certain news editor to shuck oysters — was shaving fine hairs from my forearm. Wow.

To be blunt, I was on the slippery slope of a sharper edge.

Two important things about sharpening experts.

First, they all seem to have some kind of dress code. They all wear lumberjack shirts.

Second, they never seem satisfied. Because however sharp something is, it can always get sharper.

John Juranitch, from somewhere in Minnesota, wrote The Razor Edge of Sharpening. In addition to his penchant for flannel, Juranitch holds the Guinness World Record for sharpening and shaving with a double-bitted ax. That record is 14 minutes.

There is an excited, determined tone to the book. The title of the first chapter, "What everyone needs to know about edges," suggests that this is a man on a very broad mission. As proof positive that all should partake in the knowledge of the edge, his two prepubescent daughters are shown sharpening their Bowie knives (Jim, not David) and then using them to shave their dad, one to a cheek.

I did learn a lot about edges, though.

The Tri-Angle Sharpmaker comes from a company called Spyderco in Colorado, also a flannel-wearing bunch. Their trademarked motto, emblazoned on the back of their mascot spider, is: "Integrity is Being Good Even if No One is Watching." Their website says "we don’t sell product to Russia." (Does this have something to do with the "spy" in Spyderco?)

But they do make a great product. My knives are now razor-sharp. And my wife is getting used to the swip-swip-swip of the polishing stones.

But alas, I am trapped on the cutting edge. Ever in search of something sharper. And damned if I don’t have a thing for Scotch plaid.