March 12–19, 1998

movie shorts

The Man in the Iron Mask

A long-haired Leonardo DiCaprio plays the King of France and his long-lost twin brother in the most ludicrous bit of period casting since Kevin Costner surfed his way through Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich and Gérard Depardieu play the Musketeers who plot to replace the arrogant, selfish king with his bumpkin brother, and Gabriel Byrne is D'Artagnan, the former Musketeer torn between loyalty to his king and to his old comrades in arms. So many good actors wasted on such a flimsy script! Since DiCaprio completely fails to differentiate his two characters—who are supposed to be moral opposites—the attempts to switch the two never take on any emotional gravity, and when they are switched, it's hard to tell which is which. The clandestine exchange is necessary, we're told, because the king won't feed his people, but since all we ever see is nattily dressed aristocrats and a few grotty extras throwing produce, the ostensibly grave situation never seems serious or real. But then the peasants aren't stars, are they?

—Sam Adams