Mayor Michael Nutter has announced a proposed agreement to privatize Philadelphia Gas Works. The...
Published: 01/02/2014 | 0 Comments Posted
[+1] Buzzfeed names Frankford Hall one of the most popular bars in America. Which is huge, considering Buzzfeed is tied for the most Pulitzers ever won by an all-listicle link-aggregation platform.
[-4] Northeast High is forced to cancel its simulated space mission program due to budget cuts. As a gesture of goodwill, students from Penn Alexander promise to send postcards from their next field trip to outer fucking actual space.
[-1] According to the Department of Health, the flu is “widespread” across the state. “Am I worried I’m spreading myself too thin?” asks the flu. “Of course. But in this business, it’s all about reaching out. Licking hands and sneezing on babies.”
[+1] Lankenau Heart Institute surgeon Dr. Francis Sutter performs his 1,000th robot-assisted heart procedure. “And, one day, I hope to do one on my own,” he says. “Like, if there’s a power outage or something.”
[+1] Readers of the Philadelphia Business Journal vote Drexel president John A. Fry is the Philadelphia Business Person of the Year. Buzzfeed agrees: “At first we thought he was crazy, but what happened next was that moment when your faith in humanity gets restored in five astonishing ways!”
[+1] Bond-rating agency Standard & Poor’s raises Philadelphia’s general-obligation-bond rating from an A- to an A+, the city’s highest ever. And all we had to do was stop educating minority children.
[-3] Dulary the elephant, a resident of the Philadelphia Zoo for 40 years, dies at a sanctuary in Tennessee. Her parting words: “Do not cry for me. I have led a rich, full life. I have walked all 1,200 square feet of this planet we call Earth. I have seen all seven trees. I have tasted every type of food you can imagine, from hay to vitamin pellets. And so I die with no regrets at the age of 50, which is surely the exact natural age at which an elephant should die.”
This week’s total: -4 | Last week’s total: -5
Long Live the King of Jeans
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