UPDATE: Inquirer City Council reporter Claudia Vargas is now reporting a compromise has been...
Published: 08/29/2013 | 0 Comments Posted
 Former reality-TV star Kate Gosselin files suit against her ex-husband Jon Gosselin for allegedly hacking her computer and phone to gather info for his tell-all book. Also filed: eight tiny handwritten petitions for emancipation.
[-4] According to a study by Terminix, Philadelphia is the second worst city in the country for bedbugs. According to a study by bedbugs, we are delicious.
 About 2,500 people take part in the Diner en Blanc, in which attendees wear white and eat BYO food in the middle of JFK Boulevard. “Well, there goes my appetite,” says local bedbug.
[+1] Philadelphia bicyclists enjoy their fifth annual Naked Bike Ride through Center City. “Ugh. Would you look at that,” says bedbug spokesperson. “OK. Ice your taints, people. We’ll come back in a couple days.”
[+1] According to former Eagle Hollis Thomas, the Veterans Stadium shower room area featured a chest full of pornography used by Phillies and Eagles players. “I apologize if I have inadvertently placed in your head the image of, say, the ’93 Phils rubbing one out together,” Thomas continues. “Or Ricky Watters, perhaps, with his gross little alligator arms. This was not my intention.”
 Mayor Nutter slams a teachers’ union commercial that criticizes him for letting students down. “It’s part of a planned distraction campaign,” he says, adding, “Hey, I think I hear Mister Softee!”
 According to a report by CBS 3, some local coffee shops are cracking down on “laptop hobos” by limiting the amount of time customers can have WiFi access. Kicked to the curb, ol’ Saucepan Sal chalked a crossed-out apple on the sidewalk outside the cafe before picking up his R.E.Load bindle and slouching down the road.
[+2] The Presidential Commission for the Study of Bioethical Issues meets in Philly to discuss controversial topics like implanting memories. Which we kinda used to have reservations about but suddenly we’re OK with.
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